Some quick thoughts….
You ever catch yourself wondering “Where am i?”, “Why?”, or the best one of all “What if?”
I ask myself those questions constantly. I often look back on my life and try and put the pieces together to try and figure out why certain events or situations took place. In hindsight everything is so much clearer and focused it’s mind boggling how a seemingly bad situation actually happened for the greater good of your life. It’s funny how bad situations that have happened to us in hindsight are actually blessings and looked upon as experiences we would never want to forget.
Well.. Let me twist that a little.. The ones who look back and consider it a blessing and an experience they are greatful for are the ones who have actually learned from their mistakes and are actually trying to learn from their past and move forward. At least that’s my opinion.
Although, I often wonder what kind of man I would be today if my life didn’t have the bumps along the way. That’s where the “what if?” comes into play. What kind of childhood could I have had? Would high school have been a completely different story? Would if have had different friends or would I have the life I have now? I guess I should say at this point that I’m absolutely in love with the life that I have right now. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. To think of life without my kids and my wife is unimaginable…. I say this just in case you were getting the wrong impression by the questions I’m throwing out there…
Anyway, I have 2 boys. One going on 5 and another that’s 1. My 5 year old remembers things I did for him when he was 2. I remember things that happened to me when I was 5. I look at my kids run around and how much fun they are having at the ages they are now and I wonder… What if I hadn’t developed a rare disease (Legg Perthes) when I was 4 – 6 years old? What if my growth hadn’t been stunted due to the disease? Would any of that actually have made a difference, would I still have ended up where I am today but just took a different route?
It’s funny, I’ve noticed that there are certain things today that I experienced as a child that really get me excited… The muppets is one of them. As a kid, I remember sitting in our basement on the floor watching the muppets and how involved I was with that show. If I remember right I think I actually cried when Gonzo threatened to leave the show and then Gonzo actually did leave…(he came back).
How about video games? I was in a body cast as a child for several months, couldn’t move. Not only was I in that cast but then it was the months of rehab and the dressings on my leg which prevented me from doing much else but lay in bed and play Atari for hours on end. If I remember, ‘ADVENTURE’ was my game of choice on ATARI. To this day I love video games. I remember how happy I was while playing… It helped me forget the pain and fusturation. Video games was my escape and still is at times.
Legos? I remember the hours I spent in the Shriner’s hospital and still remember someone bringing me a huge box of legos. I spent hours building things with them. To this day when i walk through Toys R Us with my boys, I walk down the lego section and I’m tempted to buy a box, head home and knock out a cool looking house or car. I think I have more fun than my boys do.
I don’t know… These things to most would be weird and think I’m immature or just a big kid but people fail to realize that everyone has something that made a lasting impression on them as a kid and even if your an adult at times you come across certain things that cause you to act like a kid again… Some hide it and others share it openly.
You know, you go through life wondering ‘why?’ and I’ve come to realize with having kids… That in a sense God kind of does the same thing we do to kids… They ask, “why?” and question your motives or intentions, and most the time we end up saying “because!” No real definite answer, just “because!” There is so much behind that word that we aren’t telling our kids because we know they won’t understand our reasoning because they are to young or immature to understand. So all we can think of to say sometimes is “Because! Don’t worry about… Trust me!”
I guess what I’m saying is that through everything I’ve experienced and had to face… I’ve been saying “WHY GOD?!” and all I get is “BECAUSE!” Although, now that life has moved along rather quickly and the good, the bad and the very, very ugly have come and gone… I know that there are still “WHY?” moments ahead, more good moments, more bad and more ugly moments, but I think that because I can safely say that I’ve learned from my past, I know that I can trust what the future holds for me and my family. I may ask “WHY?” but I’ve learned to love it when God says, “BECAUSE!”