April 2, 2010

I’m a spider’s worst enemy!

By andrewiverson

Have you ever woke up from a deep sleep late at night, sit up in bed instantly wide awake and your ears perked up like your trying to hear a pin drop 10 miles away?   Last night was my lucky night.

Around 3 a.m. I woke up and literally jumped out of bed and stood there for a few seconds staring at the door.    Understand, I’m a very, very light sleeper and typically wake up a few times a night with my ears and eyes at full alert.   Good for security and protection of my house and family but scares the livin’ daylights out of my wife when it happens.

As i’m standing there staring at the door, something inside of me just didn’t feel right.  So, I slowly walk to the door and quietly opened it up to peer down the hallway into the living room.  NOTHING.

So, I quietly and slowly walked down the hallway and pressed up against the end of the hallway wall while straining my ears to hear something move in the house.  NOTHING!

As I’m standing there thinking I was being ridiculous, I turn my head and look directly in front of me and on the wall across from me looking directly at me is a huge hairy black spider!!!   I froze.  It was like ‘high noon’, who was going to make the first move.

I think the spider and I didn’t move for around a minute.  That fear that if you move it will jump directly at you, while screaming at you in mid-flight.  Land on you and tear you apart.     Anyone?       Anyone?

My phobia of spiders sprang into action and I crept my way to my left and grabbed a magazine.  As I’m slowly rolling the magazine and taking my position to bring havoc down on this HUGE spider…    I heard our bedroom door open.  As I look down the hallway, I see my wife slowly gathering herself and walking out the door and that’s when we made eye contact.

She stood there and stared at me for about 30 seconds.  I can only imagine what it would have looked like.  Waking up out of the blue and thinking that your husband is still asleep next to you.  You go to grab a glass of water and as you open up your door, there’s your husband  in fighting position with a rolled up magazine.  No words are spoken except he has one arm cocked and ready to rock and the other arm pointing at the wall telling you to “shhhhhh….”.

Without blinking, my wife slowly turned around,  shut the door and went back to bed.

At this point the spider had moved and I had to act fast.  I leapt forward to turn on the hallway light and as I flicked the light on, the spider literally dropped off the wall next to my foot.   Everything from this point forward is a blur.  I must have blacked out from sheer fright.

Next thing I know I’m waking up in my bed and it’s time to get ready for work.  Thinking it was all a dream, I walk into the hallway, flip on the light and that’s when I realized that I am a spider’s worst nightmare.  It was like a horror film… The spiders legs and body were plastered all over the wall.   I was good.  I was really good.  I thought about leaving it there to send a message to the other spiders that might be thinking about crawling my walls….

I should have!

The next morning I woke up with a spider bite on my left knuckle and my wife woke up with one this morning on her shoulder.

It’s on!!!