October 24, 2010

Dad Knows JACK!

By andrewiverson

Suriana (my wife) is going to love this post.  I’m almost positive she’s going to share it with her friends.  They are all going to have a good laugh over what should have been ‘Dad Knows Best’ but instead turned out to be ‘Dad Knows Jack!’

Last night, Suriana and I were given two tickets to Cinetopia to watch a movie.  We joined up with her brothers and wives and enjoyed a fun night at the movies.  After the movie we are on our way home and the gas warning light flips on.  Suriana of course leans over and tells me that we should stop and get some before we get home.   Having driven Honda’s pretty much as long as I’ve had a license I could safely say that you usually have about another 20-30 miles before you need to get gas after the warning light flicks on.  That answer didn’t satisfy Suriana and again she asked if we could just stop and get gas.  For all the men out there…  I stood my ground and was determined to make a believer out of her.   We arrived home just fine and I figured we would just get gas the next day.

Well, this morning we all scrambled to get into the car to head off to church.  Suriana, Kyle, Tyler (my two boys) and I are cruisin’ along when Suriana again leans over and tells me…

We should really stop and get gas because the gas light is on.

Now, if I was smart I would have taken her advice and just stopped at the closest gas station BUT a little voice inside of me kept tellin’ me to hold my ground and prove that this sweet, wonderful Honda that has done nothing but treat me right would hold out for another 15 miles or so.   I would pull into the gas station, tell the attendant to fill’r up and I’d turn to Suriana and give her that proud ‘I told you so’ look and she would worship my feet.   By now you’ve probably figured out that it didn’t turn out so…  well.  so much like that at all.

We’re about half way to the church and I thought I would mess with her a little bit and punch the gas pedal a little to make it feel like we’re about to run out of gas.  HAHAHAHA, I was the only one who thought it was hilarious, she was NOT laughing.  After getting the evil eye after that hilarious stunt.  We finally made it to church.

After church, we all now scrambled to the car and on our way home.  As we’re pulling out of the parking lot, again, Suriana leans over and tells me…

“Please stop and get gas.”

Again, I tell her..

Now listen, you have at least 20-30 miles after that light turns on before we need to seriously consider stopping and filling up the tank.   We’ll be fine.  Quit worrying so much.

So, Suriana turns and says very convincingly…

I’m not kidding, if this car runs out of gas, your going to experience…..

***Due to the graphic nature of the conversation I feel it’s best if I just continue. ***

She made her point, BUT, I still held my ground.

We get down to 92nd and I text’d my parents to see if we could head over. SO, we did a big circle and went back towards my parents house.  About half way there I look at the dashboard and the light had turned off.  I thought maybe I had more gas than we thought.  So I kept going.

We’re talking and the boys are listening to Switchfoot in the backseat and as we’re cruisin’ along when my gas pedal goes flat.  The car didn’t jerk or make any noises, it just went flat.  I look over at Suriana and she hasn’t noticed a thing.  I immediately realize that the car JUST ran out of gas.  I stay calm and pretend like nothing was wrong while looking for a gas station.  Incredibly, directly in front of us is a gas station on the left past the intersection.

Only problem, the light was red!  I knew that if the light didn’t turn green I would be stuck at the light and the gig was up.   Just as I get to the light it turns green and we just kept coasting along.  At this point, Suriana has still not noticed that the car was not on.  I thought, WOW, i’m actually going to be able to coast right into the gas station, park, fill up the tank, look at Suriana and give her the ‘I told you so’ look and just continue on with the day like nothing had happened.

We’re about 20 yards from the gas station when the car slowed considerably.  Suriana turns and asks…

Why are we slowing down?

I still didn’t panic and just kept my hand on the wheel looking at the gas station praying we would make it.   Again, Suriana asks…

Why is the car slowing down?  What’s wrong?

At that moment, she yelled…

DID WE RUN OUT OF GAS!!!?

Again, without panicking I looked over at her with a blank stare and smiled.   Suriana with all her grace and mercy and how gorgeous she gets when she’s angry (just in case she’s reading this) opened her mouth and I swear the following few minutes sounded like something out of the movie ‘Full Metal Jacket’…

The car literally ran out of gas in the middle lane right next to the gas station.  I could hop, skip and jump to the nearest gas pump.   At that very moment, my oldest son started laughing.  Now, Kyle is going on 8 years old and still hasn’t developed that ‘common sense’ as to when it’s critical to keep your mouth shut and when it’s entirely appropriate to open it.  I turn and stare at Kyle, Suriana is staring at me and my youngest Tyler is staring at all of us.

I open the door and start pushing.  I get a few feet when the gas attendant runs across the lane and helps push my car into the station.   We pull up right next to the pump, I put on the brake, get out and hand the guy $10 and a huge thank you for helping me.  I open the car door and slowly slide back behind the wheel.  I turn and look at Suriana and well…  Let’s just say I didn’t say, “I told you so!”